Pilsdon at Malling Autumn 2011
Pilsdon at Malling: a former Guest’s reflection
Pilsdon was probably the only place I have ever truly felt happy, the only place In my relatively short life so far, that has truly been life-giving and safe. Walking through that door wasn’t easy and walking out of the door was even harder, but I would like to share my thoughts on what the community meant and continues to mean to me.
would have believed it comforted me and
helped me through the bumps and turbulence
of settling down to life at Malling. I made many
mistakes and was naive and lazy and I had to
ask for forgiveness many, many times, but I was
never found wanting. I drove people crazy at
times, at others I was tolerated, at times loved,
but through it all I was supported by my fellow
guests and community members.
Having no idea, besides a few pictures
on a website, what the community was like and
coming in through the wrong entrance having
got totally lost as only I know how, I entered
the world of Pilsdon for my three-day trial. I
was met by the face of Peter Barnett looking at
me through the open window of the dining
room; he graciously welcomed me in to lunch
to which I was late. After lunch he asked me to
do the washing-up, an experience that for me
was life-giving, a precious piece of normality in
an otherwise hectic and off-the-wall world.
Having the space to grow, to make mis-
takes and to find myself again was a key in the
recovery process. To start with I had a totally
wrong perception of how well I was and how in
a year I would be off to some other community.
This was never to happen: and I stayed for four
years. I had hit rock bottom, lost all my sense of
self and wasn’t going anywhere. I needed the
safety and security of community. During this
time I had several admissions into psychiatric
hospital and each time this happened, I never
thought I would be allowed back. The trust and
mercy of the Pilsdon shone through and I came
home to a lovely welcome, a welcome that I
never thought I would get, from people I didn’t
know cared. For me this was it, I was loved and
cared for. But I was most of all a human being. I
no longer needed to self-destruct all the time, I
no longer needed to attention-seek because I
was given a place and I was given value simply
the way I was. Being with other people became
easier and my true sense of self returned and
was probably most evident on my 21st birthday. Words of thanks to the community for doing
such a wonderful thing.
This sense of belonging, of having some
thing to do, of having a purpose, of being a part
of something, became deeply rooted within me
so much so that even on my trial Pilsdon felt
like home, like extended family. When I was
told that I was allowed to come back and live at
Pilsdon my heart leapt. I knew that it was
where God wanted me to be.
For me and for many, being at Pilsdon
brings with it a sense of reparation, having
stockings at Christmas, having Easter eggs,
things that some have never had, whilst being
too late to help to soothe the sense of loss and
mourning of a lost childhood or broken life.
Pilsdon is asked many times how can it
work, how can so many who are so different
live together and work together, why doesn’t it
just fall apart ? I can’t answer that question
except maybe to say the Holy Spirit which binds
us all together is very much at work. But I can
testify to the fact that it does, the unlearned
and the scholar, the refugee and the aristocrat
can all have had a place at our table. When I
came to Pisldon I was petrified by the people I
met, having had a sheltered upbringing I didn’t
speak the language nor was I particularly good
at anything. These kind people opened them-
selves up to me made me feel welcome, valued
and for a time at peace, people who I never
My 21st Birthday is something I will be forever grateful to Pilsdon for. Throughout my life I had never cele- brated Christmas or Easter or my birthday, and to have this special meal with my friends and to have everyone make such an effort brought tears to my eyes (and does even at this time of writing) having never had a special party be- fore, I didn’t know how to cope with it but I enjoyed it none the less and I spoke a few
My 21st Birthday is something I will be forever grateful to Pilsdon for. Throughout my life I had never cele- brated Christmas or Easter or my birthday, and to have this special meal with my friends and to have everyone make such an effort brought tears to my eyes (and does even at this time of writing) having never had a special party be- fore, I didn’t know how to cope with it but I enjoyed it none the less and I spoke a few
I am so very grateful to have been given
the opportunity to help with the sacristy work
in the chapel, and to be in that special and holy
place it was for me a workshop for trimming
candles, for cleaning, polishing and preparing
for holy things. But also a witness of the love of
God which had been for hundreds of years part
of a praying community it stood for me as a
place where all are welcome where all had a
place: as the hymn said, it truly has bricks made
of living stone.
The world is a fierce and at times a
highly critical place and the value of the vulner-
able doesn’t seem to matter to most. In this
way Pilsdon is counter-cultural, but in line with
the Gospel of Christ it is a place where the be-
atitudes are lived out, yes imperfectly, but lived
out none the less. It is a place where skills can
be learned and gifts are valued where everyone
contributes in a way that he or she is able .
