First Ever Sermon!

Within my church at the moment I am seeking to discern whether or not I am called to the office of lay reader. In this process I have to get my sermons looked at in order to see if I have the necessary qualification to preach sound doctrine and in an engageing way. I recently submitted my first attempt. I share it with you for anyone who might be interested

St. John i. 19

THIS is the record of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, Who art thou? And he confessed, and denied not; but confessed, I am not the Christ. And they asked him, What then? Art thou Elias? And he saith, I am not. Art thou that prophet? And he answered, No. Then said they unto him, Who art thou? that we may give an answer to them that sent us. What sayest thou of thyself? He said, I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord, as said the prophet Esaias. And they which were sent were of the Pharisees. And they asked him, and said unto him, Why baptizest thou then, if thou be not that Christ, nor Elias, neither that prophet? John answered them, saying, I baptize with water: but there standeth one among you, whom ye know not; he it is, who coming after me is preferred before me, whose shoe's latchet I am not worthy to unloose. These things were done in Bethabara beyond Jordan, where John was baptizing.

Sermon for Advent IV

+ In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost

In today’s gospel we read an account of the questioning of John the Baptist. The priest and Levites were concerned to know exactly who John was and what we he was doing. They questioned him time and time again “art thou a prophet” and again “Why baptizest thou then?” this constant and incessant questioning highlights just how keen they were for an answer. Perhaps they were trying to trap john with his words and get him to say something so incriminating that they could persecute him for it?
How then did John the Baptist answer these questions about him? He said to them “I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, make straight the way of the Lord, as said the prophet Esaias.” And he further declared “I baptize with water: but there standeth one among you, whom ye know not; he it is, who coming after me is preferred before me, whose shoe's latchet I am not worthy to unloose.”
What can we take from this to apply to our own lives? We too have to answer the questions of our own friends, family and colleagues. What do we believe? Why do we believe it? And further in who’s name are we called to share the good news that we have received?

When I have been engaged in sharing the gospel with friends I have sometimes fallen into the temptation to try and share using my own strength and my own words. In short I got caught up with the question of who I was and what I had to say, instead of pointing to who Jesus is and what he says. John in today’s gospel gives a worthy example of how we should really approach such questions and evangelism. John did not point to himself or use his own words or position. Rather he used the words of the prophets in scripture and even more importantly he pointed to the one who is far greater than he, our lord Jesus Christ. It is to him that we must point, he is the focus of our life and witness. And it is in and through him, that we can achieve all he calls us to accomplish.

All of us struggle at times with feelings of unworthiness and an acute awareness of our sinfulness and limitations. We can take some comfort in the fact that these feelings are not unique to us! The early Christians, the apostles and the prophets before them protested their unworthiness.

Whether we are faced with a calling to a vocation within the church, or perhaps marriage or first time parenthood we can take comfort in today’s gospel. John preached of the coming of “one who (is) coming after me is preferred before me, whose shoe's latchet I am not worthy to unloose.” We are however living after the fulfilment of Johns proclamation of Jesus. We do not preach of the coming of the messiah, but rather his second coming in great glory. We proclaim a crucified, resurrected and ascended Lord. We proclaim confidence in his shed blood upon the cross at Calvary for our salvation.
Whatever questions we may face, whatever situations we may encounter we can trust not in ourselves and our own strength, but rather in our king and his strength and his wisdom.

When we face questions about our faith, no matter whether they come from within ourselves or from others, let our answers be simple and from the heart. The message that we have to proclaim, and the central message of the church is the preaching of the cross. But this is to some a great stumbling block! “For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.” And when we question our ability to answer questions or our own spirituality let us remember “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence.”
Let each one of us take to heart this motto:

We should glory
in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ,
for he is our salvation,
our life and our resurrection,
through him we are saved and made free.

+ In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen

A little bit cheeky, just a few thoughts

I am cheating a little bit here, but I am a little under the weather so I have made a short film for this blog. :-)

A post from an old archive of mine

This was a piece I wrote shortly after leaving the community I lived in for 5 years. I share it because it is a very big part of my back story. New material is on the way :-)

Pilsdon at Malling Autumn 2011

Pilsdon at Malling: a former Guest’s reflection

Pilsdon was probably the only place I have ever truly felt happy, the only place In my relatively short life so far, that has truly been life-giving and safe. Walking through that door wasn’t easy and walking out of the door was even harder, but I would like to share my thoughts on what the community meant and continues to mean to me.

would have believed it comforted me and helped me through the bumps and turbulence of settling down to life at Malling. I made many mistakes and was naive and lazy and I had to ask for forgiveness many, many times, but I was never found wanting. I drove people crazy at times, at others I was tolerated, at times loved, but through it all I was supported by my fellow guests and community members.

Having no idea, besides a few pictures on a website, what the community was like and coming in through the wrong entrance having got totally lost as only I know how, I entered the world of Pilsdon for my three-day trial. I was met by the face of Peter Barnett looking at me through the open window of the dining room; he graciously welcomed me in to lunch to which I was late. After lunch he asked me to do the washing-up, an experience that for me was life-giving, a precious piece of normality in an otherwise hectic and off-the-wall world.

Having the space to grow, to make mis- takes and to find myself again was a key in the recovery process. To start with I had a totally wrong perception of how well I was and how in a year I would be off to some other community. This was never to happen: and I stayed for four years. I had hit rock bottom, lost all my sense of self and wasn’t going anywhere. I needed the safety and security of community. During this time I had several admissions into psychiatric hospital and each time this happened, I never thought I would be allowed back. The trust and mercy of the Pilsdon shone through and I came home to a lovely welcome, a welcome that I never thought I would get, from people I didn’t know cared. For me this was it, I was loved and cared for. But I was most of all a human being. I no longer needed to self-destruct all the time, I no longer needed to attention-seek because I was given a place and I was given value simply the way I was. Being with other people became easier and my true sense of self returned and was probably most evident on my 21st birthday. Words of thanks to the community for doing such a wonderful thing.

This sense of belonging, of having some thing to do, of having a purpose, of being a part of something, became deeply rooted within me so much so that even on my trial Pilsdon felt like home, like extended family. When I was told that I was allowed to come back and live at Pilsdon my heart leapt. I knew that it was where God wanted me to be.

For me and for many, being at Pilsdon brings with it a sense of reparation, having stockings at Christmas, having Easter eggs, things that some have never had, whilst being too late to help to soothe the sense of loss and mourning of a lost childhood or broken life.

Pilsdon is asked many times how can it work, how can so many who are so different live together and work together, why doesn’t it just fall apart ? I can’t answer that question except maybe to say the Holy Spirit which binds us all together is very much at work. But I can testify to the fact that it does, the unlearned and the scholar, the refugee and the aristocrat can all have had a place at our table. When I came to Pisldon I was petrified by the people I met, having had a sheltered upbringing I didn’t speak the language nor was I particularly good at anything. These kind people opened them- selves up to me made me feel welcome, valued and for a time at peace, people who I never

My 21st Birthday is something I will be forever grateful to Pilsdon for. Throughout my life I had never cele- brated Christmas or Easter or my birthday, and to have this special meal with my friends and to have everyone make such an effort brought tears to my eyes (and does even at this time of writing) having never had a special party be- fore, I didn’t know how to cope with it but I enjoyed it none the less and I spoke a few

I am so very grateful to have been given the opportunity to help with the sacristy work in the chapel, and to be in that special and holy place it was for me a workshop for trimming candles, for cleaning, polishing and preparing for holy things. But also a witness of the love of God which had been for hundreds of years part of a praying community it stood for me as a place where all are welcome where all had a place: as the hymn said, it truly has bricks made of living stone.

The world is a fierce and at times a highly critical place and the value of the vulner- able doesn’t seem to matter to most. In this way Pilsdon is counter-cultural, but in line with the Gospel of Christ it is a place where the be- atitudes are lived out, yes imperfectly, but lived out none the less. It is a place where skills can be learned and gifts are valued where everyone contributes in a way that he or she is able . 

Hints of the Incarnation

Hints of the Incarnation

It is easy to proclaim you lord, in times of plenty and joy, when there is abundance of grain

Much harder to enthrone you, in tear streaked grief, or gut wrenching pain

You are lord of the dance, baby Jesus ever meek and always mild

Tell that to the woman who’s just miscarried her third child

You healed the sick, made the lame walk, the deaf hear and the blind see

Yet now the cry rings out amongst us “if you healed them, why can’t you heal me?”

It’s easy to acclaim you lord, to swing incense, to sing psalms to our king

When things are going well and wedding bells ring

But when the rain comes in, when a storm rocks our life

When we lose our job, our house, husband or wife

Let’s not pretend it’s easy to trust in Gods loving grace

Or sit in church amongst the joyful, with tears streaming down our face

Let us proclaim him king, in the grime, grunge and dross

Lost in the mystery of the incarnation and the sweet wood of the cross

Sweet wood and sweet iron, precious instrument of our salvation

On you was hung the blessed lamb the very author of creation

Jesus when you do not answer prayer, when it feels that you are not there

Help us to remember that you are ever present, that you love and you care

Let us cling to our king, in the rain, storm and drought

Allowing our pain and anger and even our doubt

With the gift of this sweet child, this tangible gift of grace

Your covenant ever new, your sign of hope in this place

The family, your church in miniature here at this place on earth

Not perfect, but in its humanity broken, rejoices at this birth

King incarnate, in Canterbury, in Kent and in grace everywhere

You are not just hinted at, or abstract, you are truly there

Jesus please hear me, please listen even in my grief

Lord I do believe “help thou mine unbelief!”

touching base

Once again I state, I don’t speak on behalf of the church or any of her organisations, I hold no office I am simply a lay person trying to grow in holiness like everyone else.

If I make mistakes I am humble enough to learn so please tell me!

I have not posted for some time as I have rather been taken over by events but I would like to resume posting again today.

I want to mention again our little house group which is under the authority of The Anglican Catholic Church Diocese of the United Kingdom. Our house group meets in an area where there are no local ACC missions or priests. A house group in our church Is the first step (should the lord will it) in becoming a mission of the diocese.

We still have much to do in terms of creating a stable worshipping community before we can apply to be recognised as a mission. However, we are really enjoying taking these initial steps on that road.

We are putting together equipment little by little; we are about to purchase a suitable “altar” in reality it is a table used for something else but we plan to adapt it. We cannot afford the cost of purchasing an altar but we want to give to God the best that we can provide at the moment. We are having a large version of the icon of our lady of Glastonbury made (she is our patron).  One of the things that we are in desperate need of is a lectern, but I am certain a way will be found for us to get one.

Sadly my Dog isn’t a big fan of strangers so as our group grows (hopefully) we shall be looking to find some alternative meeting place. Please pray for us as we pray for you.

We are putting together plans for a pilgrimage to Glastonbury during our ladies month of May next year, and right now we are putting together plans for a meeting to celebrate Christmas on the 27^th December.

The faith is more important than buildings, than lacy albs or even fiddle back chasubles! If we concede ground on the little things of the faith, they then begin to grow into much larger things! My journey and the genesis of this little group is about a desire to be faithful to historic Christianity…that’s all I want to do.

I didn’t want to upset anybody or to incur lots of criticism. But even though I have, I do not resent it because I know I am doing what I believe to be right.

Our lord said “seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you”. The kingdom of God we are told by Jesus “is not of this world”, however we are citizens of it and we should proclaim his kingdom as living truth. We have a hope within us which is our passport so to speak.

You know what? I know I’m not very clever! I know I make mistakes with grammar etc. A  nevertheless love writing and sharing with people, the truth that lies within me HE LIVES, HE LIVES WHO ONCE WAS DEAD, HE LIVES MY EVER LIVING HEAD!

I hope to update you more as time allows.

Just a Thought

There is always (for me at least) a temptation to measure myself against others. I worry a great deal sometimes about not being as clever as everybody else. I have started to blog several times but it falls flat because I begin to wonder what I have to say that is actually worthwhile. When I read the blogs of others far more learned than myself I feel woefully inadequate.

Does this little brother have a message that anyone could want to hear? I don't know the answer to that, but all I can do is pass on the message that I feel called to proclaim.

That message is a simple one and you have heard it before but I never get tired of telling it. Here goes....

Our lord and saviour Jesus Christ is not some abstract theory or dusty artefact of ancient history! Rather he is an unshakeable and concrete reality. He did walk upon the earth. He was crucified and he did rise again. And he does reign as our king today.

How do I know this with the unshakable conviction with which I can speak it? The answer to that is that I have experienced him as a concrete reality.

I share briefly a personal story but it's one of many that I could use...

Many years ago now I was very very ill, I was so I'll that I tried to take my own life, for several days I had to be treated in hospital because of the physical aspects of an overdose. I was at my lowest ebb and like many people I was asking the question God where are you? As I lay in that hospital bed praying and praying for consolation what happened? The consolation came both supernaturally and in the natural realm. In the miasma and confusion of my thoughts a young child came towards me, he caressed my cheek and over me washed a serenity that I cannot describe. From that moment on I knew that God loves me...not because of me, but because God is love. I knew that I could never try and harm myself again, I was bought at a price and that price was to precious to throw away.

Since then much has happened to rock my life, much loss and grief, but that beautiful testimony of Job still holds is place in my heart and I am able to say with him " I know that my redeemer lives, and in the flesh will I see God".

When faced with the 'holy ground' of anothers deep and powerful suffering, all I can do is try and point them to jesus in his real and saving presence. His mercy which longs to reach out towards us and the freedom of the truly free which may only be found in him.

I don't quote Luther very often but a phrase of his comes to mind when contemplating my own suffering. "Here I stand, I can do no other" I stand on the knowledge that Jesus is Lord, he is Lord when every plan I make falls into tatters and he is Lord when I am lost in darkest depression. He is Lord of both storm and sunshine. My Jesus I love thee above all things forgive me my frailties negligence and offences and never suffer me to be parted from thee again.

Totus Tuus

You called Lord? A creature such as me…weighted down by arrogance & hypocrisy

You chose me Lord? to serve you, to love you, and love others in my feeble humanity

Lord, I am frightened, sometimes I feel useless, unprepared, unrepentant and proud

My theology is feeble; I speak no Greek. Or Hebrew, writing as I do, should not be allowed

Lord, sometimes I doubt, I sink under the weight of the worlds gloom and pain

But I kiss the sweet wood of the cross, of the lamb who was slain.

I am weak, in my sin and I am useless in my own power, strength and might

But you chose the weak and the foolish to bare forth the light

You chose the poor, the unlettered and sometimes frankly the loser

But who are we, do doubt the omnipotent wisdom of the chooser

Help me to serve you in the way that you have called me to do

Let me be that foolish piece of earth that others may walk on to reach you

Break my heart so much that it can never be closed to your love and grace

In the words of the hymn Adam’s image o lord deface, and stamp thine image in its place

Totus tuus I am, yours, completely yours all my might mind, strength and ambition

In poverty, chastity and obedience, without bargaining or precondition

I lay before thine altar, prostrate and I offer thee my little heart

Please accept it though humble and from it never depart.